“Ballerina Girl” – Lionel Richie: What did I do to deserve this? So, I know I’ve covered my fair share of bad Lionel Richie ballads in the past, but this has to be the absolute worse. Honestly, there’s not much else to say except I hate it.ĩ5. The melody is practically non-existent, the synths are obnoxious, and… well, it’s just boring. “Meet Me Half Way” is insipid, lifeless, and a total waste of the talent that Loggins have proven to possess time and time again. Really, this is all to avoid actually talking about the song at hand.
BILLBOARD TOP 100 1987 MOVIE
Just as Stallone was hot off the Rocky IV block, Kenny Loggins had cemented himself into movie soundtrack legend with his successful theme to Top Gun, “Danger Zone”. It’s pretty much as messy as it sounds, and I don’t think I could think of a better song to serve as generic soundtrack fodder than this one. Needless to say, this challenge ended soon, but one of the films I watched was Over the Top, wherein Sylvester Stallone plays an arm wrestler trying to win a championship as well as the affections of his estranged son. “Meet Me Half Way” – Kenny Loggins: Oh yeah, this song! Earlier this year, in a bout of inexplicable boredom, I attempted to watch as many films distributed by Cannon that I could stomach. I can already tell that the rest of this year is going to a real slog.ĩ6.
You can practically feel all the shortcuts this song is taking to be completely listenable yet not at all substantial. They’re just not trying very hard at all with these heartbreak ballads at this point. The chorus alone practically says it all: “I’ve been in love before / The hardest part is when you’re in it”. Anyway, this song is dreamy, guitar-and-synth-laden, and melancholic – but somehow, not in a very good way. Marching through the 80s have opened my eyes to so many lies such as these. “I’ve Been in Love Before” – Cutting Crew: Oh hey, Cutting Crew – I always assumed these guys were a one-hit wonder. Seriously, the phrase, “fight for your right to party “ could have only been born and bred in the 80s – certainly any reason to get drunk and yell, “Paaaarty” at the top of your lungs.ĩ7. The lyrics are certainly bratty and even kind of sloppy, but they’re all relatively innocuous teenage gripes over parents, teachers, and the right to be partying, smoking, porno-reading, long-haired teens. While the rhymes are far less crafty than what the trio are capable of, it makes of for this with a fierce rhythm that takes advantage of the rap-rock style set up by “Walk This Way” in the previous year. With that being said, “Fight For Your Right” is one of the less abrasive cuts from the record – despite it being the rowdiest. While I’ve always admired the group’s musicianship, rhymes, and role in changing the mainstream rap game, there’s also no denying that their lyrics are often replete with sexist, chauvinistic tendencies (though they’re far from alone in this). I’ve always been aware of the admittedly bro-ish nature of their earlier material, and their first album Licensed to Ill exemplifies this pretty succinctly. “(You Gotta) Fight For Your Right (To Party)” – Beastie Boys: So lately, I’ve been working the long-overdue task of listening through all of Beastie Boys’ studio albums. Pseudo Echo’s cover is just a bunch of commercial, lifeless fluff set alongside repetitive lyrics that now serve no other purpose except to remind listeners of an earlier, better record. That’s not to say that the original “Funkytown” itself was some lush, complex masterpiece, but at the very least you could dance to it. “Funkytown” – Pseudo Echo: Of course, since New Wave and synthpop were big this decade, it would only be a matter of time where we came across groups that served watered-down versions of these trends to nab an easy dollar. They attempt a younger guy/older woman scenario in the verses ( “It never really mattered too much to me / That you were just too damn old for me”), but the simple chorus of, “Let me love you down” basically negates this into boring, pedestrian territory. Instrumentally, it’s a pretty standard slow-paced R&B sex jam with generic keyboards and an admittedly competent bassline.
“Love You Down” is the follow-up hit single from the guys who brought us the banger “Oh Sheila” and… well, it might be a pretty good indicator of what we have to look forward to. And since I’ve got 2018 year-end lists to start compiling, I’ll just try to get through this one as quickly as possible. “Love You Down” – Ready For the World: I’ve heard from more than a couple sources that as fun and fresh as the early- to mid-80s year-end Hot 100 is, they only get more dull and uninteresting through the transition to the next decade.
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